#451  from Innovative Leader Volume 9, Number 2          February 2000

Who Me, a Jerk?
by Beverly Kaye and Sharon Jordan-Evans

Ms. Kaye runs Beverly Kaye & Associates, Inc. and Career Systems International, Inc.  in Scranton, PA (phone 800-577-6916; email HQ@csibka.com; www.careersystemsintl.com.  Ms. Jordan-Evans is principal of The Jordan Evans Group, Woodland Hills, CA (phone 818-347-6565; email Jordevens@aol.com; www.jeg.org.  They are authors of Love ‘Em or Lose ‘Em:  Getting Good People to Stay (Berrett-Koehler, San Francisco, CA, 1999) www.keepem.com.

Talented people will leave any organization if they don’t like their boss--even if they’re well-paid, get recognized for their work, and have a chance to learn and grow.  In fact, “disliking the boss” is one of the top reasons for talent loss.  Take a look at this exit interview:

Interviewer:  Matthew, why have you decided to leave the organization?  I know that we pay competitively, plus you just received a bonus.

Matthew:  Is this confidential?

Interviewer:  Yes, definitely.

Matthew:  The pay is fine.  The work is fine.  But my boss is a complete jerk.  He is impossible to work with, and I’ve decided life is too short to spend it working for a jerk.

It is dangerous, however, to label some people as jerks and let others off the hook.  Since most of us exhibit jerk-like behaviors--at least occasionally--the key is to assess which behaviors we exhibit and how often and then try to change for the better.  Why?  To keep our talented people, for starters.

What Is a Jerk?

We asked dozens of people, “What do jerks act like or look like?”  In response, we heard that jerks:

Intimidate                                  Yell at people                           Condescend or demean
Lie                                            Act arrogant                             Act above the rules
Withhold praise                         Enjoy making people sweat       Slam doors and pound tables
Act superior or smarter              Swear                                      Show disrespect
Behave rudely                           Belittle people                           Act sexist
Micro-manage                           Act racist                                 Manage up, now down
Withhold critical information       Use inappropriate humor            Give only negative feedback
Always look out for themselves  Blow up in meetings                   Start every sentence with “I”
Set impossible goals/deadlines  Steal the spotlight and credit      Letting others take the blame
Block career moves                   Undermine authority                  Distrust everyone
Show lack of caring for people    Show favoritism                         Betray trust or confidence
Embarrass and humiliate others Gossip and spread rumors          Criticize constantly
Act as if others are stupid          Overuse sarcasm                       Take things out on others
Ignore or isolate certain people   Use fear as a motivator               Show revenge

Who, Me?

We are all jerks sometimes.  We might do it when we feel backed into a corner or stressed out or when someone pushes the wrong buttons.  Or, maybe, we’ve allowed these ineffective behaviors to become habits for us.

Whatever the reason, are these behaviors negative enough or frequent enough to inhibit your effectiveness as a manager?  How are your employees really viewing you, and how does it affect their job satisfaction?  How many of them are considering leaving you for a better boss?

Give the jerk checklist some serious thought.  Ask your friends at work to look at the list with you and give you honest feedback.  (If you don’t have any friends, that may be a clue.)  Ask family members to give you insight, too.  If others agree that you often exhibit more than one or two of these behaviors, you are at high risk for losing talent.  After all, jerk-like behaviors are so damaging that even one or two can negate all of your other strengths as a boss.

Sadly, too many corporate heroes operate in jerk mode too much of the time.  Some have temper tantrums in staff meetings and even throw things.  Others embarrass and humiliate people openly.  Because of their status, many have been “allowed” to behave as jerks.

If it works for them, why not for you?  Because you are more effective if your people like and respect you.  People respond when they are treated with dignity.  They work harder for bosses they like.  With competition for good people increasing, it is critical that you keep your stars and recruit new talent when necessary.  Jerks are unable to do either, particularly as their reputation spreads.

Once a Jerk, Always a Jerk?

Just as you can learn new leadership skills at any age, you can stop ineffective behaviors or replace them with more effective ones.  It may not be easy, but it is possible.  The difficulty of changing ineffective behaviors depends on several factors:

•  How ingrained is the behavior?  Have you been acting this way for 50 years or three years?  Long-term habits are certainly more difficult to break than those more recently acquired.

•  Are you clear about what the desired behaviors look like?  A clear picture of the goal certainly makes it easier to get there.

•  Do you have resources available to help you?  It’s easier to change if there are people supporting you.

•  How complex is the behavior?  You may be able to simply stop telling off-color jokes, while negative reactions under stress are more complicated and interwoven.  They require more focus, more resources, and more time.  You may even need to develop a whole new repertoire of behaviors from which to choose.

•  Do you really want to change?  (If you can’t answer this question, you will not change.  You’ve got to want to.)

The Bottom Line

Once you decide to change your jerk-like behaviors, create an action plan and stick with it.  It may be the most important thing you do to keep your talent on your team.